[from the Diasporean Stables… Let’s Talk About…]
The ‘Gideons Bible’ – A Personal Testimony…
by Austin J. Otah, Notary.
I write from a diasporean perspective. And still do even though I have been back in the Country for at least a decade but thanks to technology turning the World into a global village, I have not lost touch with my diasporan experience which from the realities of living at home in Nigeria, has made my senses even keener whilst comparing my experience abroad with living at home in pondering over the solutions to ensure a greater Nigeria.
It is a unique perspective, having had the fortune of being born out of Nigeria and lived both abroad and within Nigeria surfing the social, educational and professional waters of these quite differing yet obliquely similar Worlds. My intention is to ‘detonate’ and destroy brainwashed ‘colonial’ thinking; it is to uproot colonially-influenced educational maleficent direction; it is to introduce the reader to the joys of original and independent thinking, and mind-setting objectivity. It brokers no peace for the occluded or the cognitively dissonant; for the otiosely fundamentalist-thinking ‘ritualist’ who claims to be ‘religious’…cloaked in the usual garb…
If you go to www.gideons.org , you will find out about a group called ‘The Gideons International’ created by two gentlemen who sought to spread the story of the Gospel. 116 years later, that Group has taken ‘…more than 2 billion Scriptures in more than 95 languages to 200 countries, territories, and possessions across the globe.’
Their major asset is what we in Nigeria popularly call the ‘Gideons Bible’, a tiny pocket-sized book which you can easily carry anywhere, consisting solely of the books of the New Testament part of the Bible, the Psalms and Proverbs only. The Gideons as I choose to call them, have a mission in part to –
“…exist as an advocate for the lost, to bring them the saving knowledge of the Word through not only placing and distributing Scriptures, but also through personal witnessing and by associating together for service.”
I first came across the Gideons when I was about 12 at Urhobo College, Effurun, Warri, now in Delta State [Used to be Bendel State, where I spent the rest of my 1st Form and part of my 2nd year of Secondary School] during one of our morning assembly sessions. I remember them distributing the small books to everyone. Mine was green in colour. I was not yet in my teens. I treasured it as I treasure all literature because reading was one of my earliest and most enjoyable hobbies. Reading exposed me to the World in a myriad of ways invaluably. An incredible gift – being able to read.
You may not have left your village but you would have toured the World; learnt about cultures, about languages, about people and places.
For me, who was separated from relationship with my mother during a fractious period at quite a tender and sensitive age [4 – 51/2] as a result of parental contretemps and upon who was later, less than 2 years later visited with the archetypical stepmother of the most villainous blend, to whose rule all must bend or else! it led to quite a varied, difficult, challenging period of my life during which the innocent notions of the glorious victories ultimately attained by the good heroes/heroines in the fables of my early ladybird series storybooks, African tales by moonlight and other literary tales in those impressionable days were quickly dampened and even separated and almost snuffed out. I say this for a reason.
Although it could not separate me from the precocious intellectual gift divinely bestowed on me apparently [honestly, only God could have done it] as my academic grades remained sufficient enough to prevent me from class repetition, it blighted my personal socio-experience such that I grew up into a teenager unaware that he was battling self-confidence crises, lacking in some fundamental social nous, self-confidence and natural exposure as a result of rejection, deprivation, negative and abusive verbiage and having to deal with unnecessary self-esteem issues as the essence of my very being was continuously and manipulatively buffeted, assailed and regularly physically assaulted, even up to my mid-teens. Now, I have no issue with discipline and it is very necessary, I agree. What I refuse to accept is when it is ministered under false pretences, manipulation and downright lies. I was considered a ‘rebel’ a long time ago.
By the time I got to University at 17, I still had my little green Gideons Bible which had remained a companion and I did read verses from it from time to time especially the Proverbs…I was however undergoing a family existential crisis. I was now heading through my 2nd year in University and 19. My stepmother had repeatedly said things like I was ‘born useless and good for nothing’ and worse. In Urhobo the words used are actually unprintable. It is actually worse. My own dad had compared me to my other step-siblings who were little at the time telling me they were ‘better’ than me etc. This was the type of negative stereotypes and words used over the years. Things came to a head and crystallised when I became 19. Please understand, due to the constant mis- and mal-treatment, by 13, I had become a philosopher. Just not published.
By the age of 13 back in the early 80s at the height of the fight in South Africa against the Regime of Apartheid, my voracious reading [through which I also hid from my actual raw experiences], had exposed me to the concept of apartheid not just through the news and people but through books such as Mine Boy by Peter Abrahams [African Writers’ Series] and Cry My Beloved Country by Alan Paton. These books remain indelible in my memory as the experiences I read about then made me emotional then. I learnt that apartheid was about benefits and deprivation dependent on the colour of your skin. I was happy then that it did not exist in Nigeria and elsewhere I had been so was privately relieved but I felt sorry for the South Africans.
My philosophic sojourn came at the ripe adult age of 13, when I had what I now realise was an epiphany. A ‘Eureka’ moment! I remember that day. I was decrying the travails I was going through with much sorrow. I had been deprived of something or refused something or the other and I was wondering why yet again we were still at our age, myself and my much older brother and a cousin living with us were being treated with such contempt and disrespect but my barely 1 year old half-sister could sit at the table. I watched as she messed up the table and wondered. I watched in astonishment that my father could agree that it was right that we could not eat at the table but saw nothing wrong with that. The injustice hit me hard. The journey had been a long time coming. I remember by 11, still in Warri then, how the phrase, ‘water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink’ became a reality in my life because in that miserable year, it became clear to me that I came from a well-to-do family but I was treated worse than even the house-help!
By 13, now back to my beloved Igbobi College, Yaba, Lagos and considering all that we were experiencing, it dawned on me that ‘apartheid’ could be colour-blind! My step-sibling was enjoying benefits and privileges bestowed on children of the family but we the senior children in the family were deprived of same. I saw parallels in what the South African Boers were doing in keeping benefits, rights and privileges to themselves [the ‘whites’] and how they maltreated and terribly treated and deprived the others [‘coloureds’ and ‘blacks’] in what my stepmother was doing to us – who were not her biological children and hers and her family. She also cut no slack with my father’s siblings and side of the family. She created a divide. I knew the power of a woman’s influence – good or bad – significantly, quite early on.
The age of 19 is quite a defining one. It is your last year as a teenager and a step towards adulthood. I was fighting the twin evils of a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem issues. It was inevitable: having been brought up on a diet of being considered and told I was a ‘ne’er do well’ in spite of my academic achievements etc and the fact that we were relatively well-behaved and never caused trouble unduly, we, my brother and I, were never good enough.
On that particular fateful day, when my father told me I wasn’t better and to me quite unnecessarily too making a comparison with my little half-siblings and so negatively too – considering that my oldest half-sibling from my stepmother was only 6 at the time, made it not only worse but rendered me bereft. It was on our way to the local Catholic Church in Festac Town and we were walking down.
The negative and unnecessary comparison came out of the blue! I do not know what was on my father’s mind or what caused it. Clearly something provoked him to say that but I never bothered to ask. I was lost in thought. I saw him as someone who hated me for whatever reason or just had dark negative thoughts towards me. I wondered what I had done again. I was visiting on holidays from University. Why? I wondered what I must have done again. I questioned why he even ever gave me his own name being his second son. I was lost. I was saddened. All kinds of traumatic emotions be it flotsam or jetsam flowed through my mind. I was distraught. I broke down. I realised to them and to my dad, I was not good enough and could never be. Whatever wicked tares had been sown manipulatively against me, had truly taken root. That I was training to be the first lawyer in the family was of no consequence. It made no sense! My same father that would praise me especially when I performed well in School, the same person who was fighting and supportive to ensure I qualified through my academic sojourn to become a lawyer could also spit such venom! He was also sponsoring me through School and I would still have to come to him for funds after my holidays.
I was lost in so many ways and I was struggling to find a foothold…somehow, I remembered I had a little ‘green Gideons Bible’…
…I went to look for it. It wasn’t far. It was always within reach as I travelled and came home with it. Hardly read for years…more in use like a dictionary from time to time. I remembered it contained a section of where to read in time of help or need. For once, now an aware young adult, I reached for my Gideon Bible for real help. I was truly sinking, broken and in deep emotional trauma and pain. I wasn’t ‘born again’ or anything like that and to me going to church was perfunctory. I certainly was not experiencing that godly loving experience they like to preach about in church. What happened in church stayed in church!
Outside church was a different and the real experience for me. Yes I had a chaotic messed up abusive experience growing up as a child through to my adult years. It was not bad, it was worse. Terrible and it did have a salutary effect on my brother and I. It is what it is.
When I turned the pages of my Gideons Bible and mind you, we had plenty enough Bibles in the house! I didn’t think of them. Only the Gideons Bible and why? Because of the references, when you were afraid, when you were angry, when you were abused, when you were anxious, depressed, discouraged, sorrowful etc…Let me tell you: as I went to each Scripture and read same, I gained strength, I gained confidence, I gained peace of mind, I became steady again, I grew strength honestly, I became emboldened. I was no longer afraid. I knew all would end well. My father’s words meant nothing to me. I was also able to forgive them – even back in the day. I found Scriptures that shored up my foundations. In all of this I was not ‘born again’ o! I had that experience in the UK almost a Decade later.
My Gideons Bible, put me back assured, confident and more importantly, in a position to continue the battles, knowing that I would win the war. I realise now today many years later, that what I gleaned from the Scriptures I was referred to actually anchored me to a foundation that was beyond words. That was beyond my parents. That was beyond the behemoth that I had hitherto seen my father as. I realised he too was just another human being weak in the flesh who could make mistakes. I was 19 then! All the child abuse hurts and pain and the indignities of deprivation and lack in the presence of plenty; all the lies the manipulations, the unfair beatings in which you could not talk back and an attempt to explain would meet with a slap and further heinous punishment – became irrelevant. I did not know it. As I write this testimony, I am deeply moved because I did not know the measure of the work that God did in me to keep me strong and strengthened and foundationally sound in places that mattered most that I did not know existed.
I had no idea of the power of forgiveness. I had no idea about the effect of letting go pain that had become a part of me deep inside where you never talked about it. I knew I was flailing; I did not know as they like to say today, just how far down the ‘rabbit hole’ I was at the time – and how neatly God pulled me out. And set me straight. All I know is that I had uncommon bullish confidence and utmost peace that all will end well. I also for the first time, saw my father as just another man who could make mistakes. It is now as I write that I realise that my Gideons Bible pointed me in the direction that ultimately blessed and anchored my life on the sure-footed setting that has clearly influenced my life up till today. I face adversity with a smile. I face uncertainty with élan. I have had to deal with those variegating devils of rejection, deprivation, loss, manipulation, cheating and other rude challenges over time but I remain meek, strong and settled with an indomitable and happy spirit. I have piloted over the roughest seas and been confident to jump into the choppiest waters – I have also had the confidence to stand back and refuse to join the ‘rat race’. I have been able to stand firm in the face of opposing opinion and to regularly swim against the tide – unfazed.
I remember that holiday period very very well. I just did not realise how God used the Gideon Bible to direct me to what I needed to put in my spirit that would anchor me on a foundation so solid, it has guided me up till now several decades later. God has an uncanny sense of humour. God is with us whether man thinks we have to have undergone or performed a certain ritual or not. Psalm 82:6 is meant for us all. Not any peculiar group of people. Jesus Christ confirmed this as well. Reach out to God in your own personal way and God will manifest from within you.
Those distributors of the Gideon Bible back in Warri, Delta State back then are people I cannot remember. They were simply evangelising God doing their bit. It now occurs to me to bless them, their families, their legacies, their agape love, their care to reach out to the lost, even before they realised they were. I thank the clearly genius idea that decided to combine the New Testament just with Psalms and Proverbs. Who could have though that just those 29 Books could have such a profound effect on someone. I remember as I read, I grew stronger, the tears dried up and I became steady. Please note my story is true and not made up. I appreciate that I write fairly well and it may seem like a saga more imagined than real but I assure the reader, it is all true. There is no need for embellishment. I live my story.
Without the Grace and Power of God, you cannot forgive. I forgave those who persecuted me unnecessarily growing up. Forgiveness in itself is an unimaginable Power and Strength with Revelatory Depth. It is so strong it leaves you consistent and enduring long after you were supposed to have given up. It leaves you calm undeterred and at Peace.
It never occurred to me that my story here and the role of the Gideons Bible in my life was a ‘testimony’. I just saw some people distributing the Gideons Bible recently at my squash club and I laughed and told the sharers and people there how important it had been to me and why they should have one. It brought back these memories. I did not know how profound my words were. How impactful the story I told was. I was called aside to share my testimony on air. I was so surprised! I had told my story almost half-jokingly and not in much detail. Now in writing about it, I am becoming more aware of just how foundationally important it has been in my life even as I walked into adulthood – without knowing. I thank those who insisted that I should write this testimony. It has told me more about myself than I ever realised and would never have known had I not written my Story. This is very deep for me and very moving.
This testimony is for that lone child out there who cannot understand the vehemence in the life they are experiencing;, for that group out there facing life’s vicissitudes, for the student, for the young lady facing impossible odds, for those left out in the cold, for those who cannot speak, who cannot express themselves, comprehend or solve life’s conundrums and seemingly unending puzzles. For those facing Life’s ‘curve’ balls. Your only qualification: a sincere heart. Listen, it doesn’t matter what faith you are in or what you believe in or what you are supposed to believe in. The Gideons Bible contains an answer for you and for your circumstances. God reached out to me who was being buffeted by life and who seemingly had no defence and had gone through most of my young life with this seemingly unending opposition and strife. That it failed to break my spirit and outlook on life is a miracle. Grab yours. Grab a Gideon Bible.
In Retro –
We live in a World where 2+2 does not sometimes sum up 4. It is life. It is what it is. Parents, ready or not, LISTEN!! A child is a Divinely Inspired Seed of Perfection created by Divine Grace and is the epitome of Psalm 82:6. It doesn’t just come from; it is an inviduation of God. A Child of Destiny. Let that sink in. Every Child comes with Purpose[s]. Every Child is Destiny-inspired! A Child is not designed for abuse or to be abused but to be nurtured and trained with discipline and LOVE and to be set free to go blossom and perform in the fulness of their Purpose[s] and in fulfilment of Destiny.
A man may have many wives. I am not getting into that debate. He may choose to have one, which makes sense to me. In all of this, he must not lose sight of his responsibility to his Seed. He cannot as a Father, allow others to dominate or manipulate his Seed without control or his direct permission and only for a distinct purpose or lesson at ANY time. He cannot to the best of his knowledge, expose his Seed to the vehemence of the evils of the heart; to the ravages of the unruly contagion; to the wickedness of unseemly lusts. His duty is to protect and cultivate his Seed.
To women, Proverbs 14:1 warns that it is the foolish amongst you that use their own hands to tear down their matrimonial homes. Their own hands. If you know you are not ready to be a mother like the mother hen. If you know you are not ready to raise the Seed of Man, to help him as you are Divinely designed, leave the man alone. Motherhood is not necessarily for everyone. If e pass you, lef am! It is not by force. Do not be the weapon or foil that will be used to create disaster and despair in the life of the Seed of a Man. Had it not been for the fact that the Ultimate Father is God, where would I be today as a person that a woman said was born useless and made that way to be worthless and useless by God??
Adults, the manifestation of the most heinous, invidious evil is made manifest mostly amongst you – why? When I saw how Russia and Ukraine and Israel and Palestine and Terrorists and other examples around the World including recently in America across Schools and in New Orleans again, and in Germany across Europe, are releasing weapons of mass destruction on others including men, women and especially children, it made me wonder about who we really are. When you adults in position make decisions that lead not just to the deaths and destruction of other adults but of young Seedlings, Children, what happened and WHO happened to you.
There’s always a reckoning. And you Adult, will pay the price for good OR for evil – one way or the other because there is no cause, without effect.
So let’s talk about ….
Austin J Otah, Esq. is a lawyer and Notary Public
11 January, 2025
